This weekend, I learned the importance of understanding the intentions that motivates someone’s (in)action.
I have an amazing father that is not my blood, nonetheless he is an absolutely amazing man and father. He’s caring, honest and always speaks highly of me and my son. He has raised me for the past 20 years and God, the universe or any other entity could not have blessed me with a better father. He’s taught me compassion and loyalty. He’s taught me that situations are never one-sided and that relationships are more complex than what appears on the surface. He’s a true man of service from his time in the Marines to a lifetime as a brother, son, husband and father. I LOVE YOU MIKE! You are the best teacher and Grandpa I could have around for my little love.
Because I didn’t have a large, close knit family growing up and because my son is in a single parent home I feel a sense of duty to create proximity between his family and us. I am obliged to create our ‘village’, so to speak, full of uplifting and empowering individuals. His/my family are really pulling double duty, as I’m looking/waiting for a daycare facility, watching him so I can work full time.
I am so grateful for my son’s father and the family that I’ve been welcomed into. Currently my son’s father is making admirable steps to grow mentally and spiritually. He’s serving a higher purpose so that he can serve his son and family. I’m not trying to be cryptic, his business is his business and I respect his privacy. He is the healthiest I have seen him in the past 10 years I have known him. I am so proud of the work he’s putting in to improve himself, to reflect on his past and to build towards his future. I could not be more proud of him.
We had an amazing Father’s Day with Buddha’s dad and nanny (paternal grandmother). We enjoyed every minute from church to lunch to hanging around here and there. We talked a lot about what’s going on in life and our plans. He’s more expressive and articulates his feelings more effectively, which contributes to his overall health. I’m so proud of him. I can’t say it enough.
All of that to say, you can be a single mother without tearing down your child’s father. There isn’t a need to tear him down if he WANTS to be in his children’s lives but his lifestyle and circumstances don’t accommodate it. Don’t claim Father’s Day for yourself, you had your day. Make space, your child will observe as they grow older that you create inclusive spaces, that’s important. Everyone and especially your child appreciates all you do for them and your strength and dedication is apparent for the world to see. Please don’t be resentful. Love and be kind even when the other person doesn’t deserve it. Your actions and words are a reflection of you.
Happy (belated) Father’s Day to all dads even the ones there in spirit.